Crap

I am looking, I think.

Been talking a lot of crap with Jasman, my fyp mate, about all these girls and relationships issues. Not that they are anything serious, but two single males like us tend to allow our conversations online to veer innocuously to such topics. Talked to Zhihao and Jinhui over our last jc class gathering too, and they all can't seem to agree with me.

Haha, tell me if I'm weird.

I have been professing my reluctance to woo girls to people around me. Reason being - I hate to allow a relationship to commence on the wrong footing that I am the one who wants her and thus rendering myself vulnerable. Or maybe itz pride, I may not be able to take a rejection well. Lol.

Can't a couple come together naturally after developing a mutual affinity? Why all these crap about courtship? Haha my guy frenz think either I am nuts or I am too idealistic. They claim the privilege of going after girls means one has the choice of partners, while girls usually only are able to give hints subtly and may not end up with the guy they like. Oh well...

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I am actually more open to knowing people now. Just the other day, a girl who went on instep to France offered to intro her lab mate to me. I would have ran away in the past, I swear. But somehow this time, I am actually looking forward to it. Haha am I despo?

Maybe I regret going to a boys' school, not knowing enough girls in nj and hall. My circle of girls seems pretty limited. The number of girls I can consider friends is less than the number of fingers I have. Nobody believes me, but I am shy. Hehe.

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Since the last heartbreak, I kept myself busy enough and my heart closed enough to ward off puppy love and kind. I am actually quite tired of going into relationships that are uncertain. Itz that stupid time of the life when you want to experiment but ever so want to have a feeling of certainty. Otherwise I call it a waste of time, money and energy.

I hate the feeling of resentment at the end of a relationship, as if I haven't done enough or that all I've done are not appreciated. I hate the end so much that smtimes I don't wanna start.

I'm sorry to her because I was not ready then and I couldn't explain it. I just had to let things die out. Someone asked me if I regretted it, maybe, maybe not. The time just wasn't right.

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Okie actually this is pretty disjointed, just some points from my conversations with a few frenz over the past weeks. Haha, thanks for reading this crap. Wish me luck to find Ms Right.