Overdoing it

When you do more than you are supposed to, the results may not always be positive.

Maybe it didn't matter at all, because all along that idea was already mooted. But I actually gave her a push and did myself a disservice. Yet, I am in no position to influence her decision and the eventual outcome. Felt stupid about it, why am I so foolish?

Things are getting on very well indeed. So well that I feel jealous. Haha over some peanuts but nevertheless I haven't felt that kinda weird feeling for very long. I think she opened my heart, and I am back to a goofy old self who spares nothing to see her smile. Somehow, I think I got the key to hers as well.

But I am stuttering because I dunno if I want to open her heart, not sure if I can give her happiness and am afraid of getting hurt. I don't wanna make a mistake. I am taking a long time to test water, keep asking myself questions and to be very clear about what I am looking for.

But the prospects of going on a grad trip together seems bleak now, all thanks to my over-enthusiasm in part. I am torn. On one hand I would love to wish her good luck and pursue her AIESEC internship, but on the other I wish she would stay. But I know I shouldn't be selfish. I would want that opportunity if we swopped positions.

*****

Anyway I dropped some hints yst and the signs were encouraging. Haha. I hope it will blossom in the end, really.