I deserve that wee bit more... Really

Exams results are finally out, and it reads:

EE3014 A
EE4001 B+
EE4041 A+
EE4105 B+
EE4153 B+
EE4188 A+
CS118 A-
HP804 B

I am rather satisfied, especially with HRM. It was a big surprise to score so well. And it is the first time in NTU that I have smelled A+ (issit the equivalent of the old DI?) But failure to score well for software engineering and telecomm are big disappointments. Sighz, I think I rushed my software paper too much to rush back to study for DSP later that day.

Calculated a GPA with these grades, even though we are not under this system = 4.53 for core and prescribed electives. Barely first class, but I had hoped for better grades to make up for my screwed up yr 1 and 2. Praying hard that I still have a shot at the top honours.

And I failed my IPPT again this morning. A major disappointment, and how unfit I have become. Ran 12:23 for 2.4km, and a mere 4 seconds that will spare me a ROVW (record of verbal warning) for this work year. I suck! I regret that 4s when I gave myself some slack.

I really deserve that teeny weeny bit more... =|

My desktop CUI

I hate it, my desktop is spoilt!

Just when I thought that everything is set up swee swee with maxonline at home, the desktop CUI, WTF!

It all began with FM07! Installed Daemon tools to mount the image file, then my dvd-rw drive becomes undectectable. Then, I thought all could be solved by reformatting the computer. But the keyboard becomes undetectable when I boot up from the recovery disk. Damn it.

Frustrated, I opened up the CPU casing and played ard to make sure the keyboard connection is in, then the worst came, the screen shows no output and I hear funny beeps as I power on and off the computer in vain. Wah lan I am damn sian!

Luckily got the lorry with me at home, and I drove back to hall to get my old trusty P3 laptop so that I can blog now to tell you this super unfortunate shit that happened to me. I think yesterday is just a bad day, my watch stopped working too, maybe a lack of battery, maybe something worse, but heck!

Now I just wish my new compaq laptop can come quickly and trouble free!

Finally, trials over!

No more Tekong anymore, not for a long long time to come! Really tiring, packed up all the equipment today and drove back to school, terrible to drive at peak hours, jams and unruly drivers who don't give way to my 20" lorry, you are lucky limbei not in a bad mood.

Anyway, scratched one guy's side mirrors as I was parking the lorry at S1. And that guy happened to come down to catch us red-handed. Luckily we told him we were students and he did not make a big fuss outta it. It was juz a very small scratch anyway.

Anyway, the biggest change I made during this 1.5 wks in Tekong is that I am smoking again. LOL bad for health, but had this super itch to smoke when we went out to drink last wkend, and my 20-stick Malboro menthol is still unfinished, left a few sticks now.

Okay, that's not very important actually. Now, lotsa data to process, but I hope the MIMO pple can take over. I really not interested to help them process their data, not after working like male slaves in Tekong, load, unload equipment, sit behind the lorry for sauna, and what not. Talk about gender equality... Haha im juz whining

DBLDm

The Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer

Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.

You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.

In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Playstation, The Peach

CONSIDER: The Priss

Tekong revisited

I am back in Pulau Tekong, nope not for BMT but to conduct experiments for our FYP.

Pretty mundane life, everyday wake up at 5plus, take a cab to SFT, take the Penguin fast craft in, do expts, pack up at 5 in the evenings, then take a cab back home.

Actually, life this week hasn't exactly been a breeze. It rained almost everyday in Tekong, and on my side I have to load and unload the equipment each time we switch positions to log our data. Nothing very mentally challenging, more physically tiring.

Kinda bored with this FYP. For the MIMO group, their data collection would be over after these 2 weeks, but my air to land will have another trial either in Jan or Feb. *shrugz*

Tekong does evoke some nice memories. In fact, I enjoyed my BMT in Tekong, made some nice buddies (whom I have already lost contact with) and we went thru all those shit together. And re-entering Tekong this time as a civilian, I did accomplished some insignificant "firsts":

1. Don't have to march around like a chao recruit
2. Eat fried chicken, fried beehoon etc in the Tekong jungle
3. Talk to the RSM on equal footing, lol
4. Wore a singlet and walked around at the BMTC HQ
5. Washed my boots in the parade sq toilets (sry to the company doing area cleaning there! =p)

In fact, sometimes things get so boring that I went for some runs in my pants and boots around our experiment sites. Need to get some running fitness for my IPPT on the 29th Dec! OMG...

Mission 3: Marathon Completed

Hehe, but in a very bad timing this year, walked alot of the journey with my partner. Completed nonetheless, I shall aim for 5hrs next yr!

Mission 2: Finish Exams, Completed

IT'S OVER!

At least for this sem! A hectic schedule of 8 papers spanning 12 days that took me to every other exam hall in NTU has been completed!

Confident: Software Engineering, Wireless Communications, Human Resource Management, Multiculturalism and Communication

50-50: Telecommunication Systems, Digital Signal Processing

Sucks: Cellular Communication and System Design, Coping with Culture Transition

In any case, a result slip for this sem without 'C' will be good.

And the planning for next semester has begun:

HW310: Professional Communication
EE4110: Optical Communication System Design
EE4152: Digital Communications
EE4839: Fibre Optic Communication
LG81: German Level II

Surprise, surprise, I am going to try and pick up my bits and pieces of German that I learnt in sec1 at MOELC. If successful, I should be able to join the level II class for next semester!

Actually, after planning the timetable for next sem, it looks really empty and I am looking to take another GE, probably something that is really interesting. Found one - The Mind of Sun Tzu, but it is offered by MAE and I am quite sceptical if mech engineering profs can teach a topic like this. But for now, it looks the most promising.

So, if all goes well, I should be graduating with 175 AUs, much more than the 151 AUs required for my BEng. Hehe! 33 AUs (in fact 36, cos I crashed my French II) of unrestricted GEs + 12 AUs of restricted GEs = a whopping 55 AUs unrelated to engineering in any sense! No wonder I don't feel like an engineer.

Definitely getting the best value out of my university fees by taking more courses to enrich myself. And I almost always enjoy taking modules outside EEE, exploring different dimensions of interests.

So fast, the penultimate sem is over, FYP re-begins, and one more sem to go before going back to RSAF. And guess what, my pro-term ALOC course is going to be stay-in at air force school. Restricted freedom. -.-" Kinda dread it, but the $$ will come in useful.

Now for mission 3: MARATHON this sunday!

Which Tarot Card?

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

US is the biggest evil of them all

Taking a break from studying, I surfed asiaone.com and one of the headlines read "China warns US to forgo arms sales to Taiwan". US, US, US. They are poking their noses into everything and anything, and if there is really a so-called axis of evil, the US must the biggest of them all!

Taiwan straits

The world wants peace at the Taiwan straits, for the greater stability and sustained economic growth in East Asia. Personally, I don't take sides with either, but any US$16 billion arms sales to Taiwan is almost certain to increase cross straits tension and spark a possible arms race. I seriously think the US has a split personality, split diplomatic stands. Support one China, tries to sell arms to Taiwan for $$, bounded by law to defend Taiwan in any conflict.

Middle East

Thanks to US, the whole middle east is in a mess now. Aghanistan is a forgotten war-torn land, with capture of Osama bin Laden nowhere in the foreseeble future. Iraq is a land of violence and disunity, between the Shi'ites and Sunnis, and US is suffering casualties by the day, good luck and so much for unilateral action to go into Iraq for WMD only to find nothing. How about US being uncritical about Israel's disproportionate strike of Lebanon to save a few captured soldiers? I read on news that the Israelis actually used a new biological weapons against the Lebaneses and no action has been taken them at all. And the constant violation of no-fly zone now that UN forces are in Lebanon, I think they are so disregarding the international community in no small part due to Big Brother's support.

Nuclear non-proliferation

So much for taking Iran and North Korea to task for their quest for nuclear weapons. Read from Today, that signatories of nuclear non-proliferation act are supposed to cut down on their arsenal of nuclear weapons, eventually eliminating nuclear weapons. But obviously they aren't fulfilling their part of the deal. I don't support N.Korea and Iran to possess nuclear weapons, but the point is, if the nuclear powers aren't cutting their own nuclear weapons, they have no moral high ground to point fingers!

Kyoto Treaty

Uh huh! Who's the world's biggest producer of greenhouse gases? US! And guess who pulled out of the Kyoto Treaty? (No prizes, though) And for reasons that ratifying the treaty and keeping to emission requirements will affect US's economy and jobs. Bravo!

Free Trade

My foot. You really believe in US's call for free trade? They are pointing fingers at developing countries for stealing manufacturing jobs, making US workers lose their competivity. Yet, they go around negotiating so-called free trade agreements with no regard for their locals (See Korean rice farmers) How about the erection of taxes against China goods to address their trade imbalance? Oh pls, even idiots know that trade imbalance is inevitable. Revalueing the Yuan isn't going to solve the problem. It is a fundamental problem of high demands for cheaper goods by the US itself.

********************

Just in a US-bashing mood.

Mission 1: HRM completed

Hooray! Three cheers to Lester, Johnson, Kenny, Ye Wai and Zoebir! Our group fought the HRM battle and emerged unscathed cos Michael Heng accepted our report on presentation day! *ROAR* This gotta be one of the happiest day this sem, after going thru all the BOS and burning so many friday evenings in at the study benches at nanyang audit!

Still alive, barely

The frequency that I blog indicates the amount of free time I have.

It means that I've been working like a dog since the last post. =

Good news first: My FYP prof is going to give us a break from all the time-consuming experiments until after the exams.

Bad news: The exams loom. And before that, need to submit the BOS report for HRM.

Talking about our BOS with canteen 2, our group had a complete change of ideas after yesterday's discussion. I haven't changed my opinion though. In any case, their new "divergence" looks very uncompelling and I am not inspired, not at all. I think there goes any hopes of getting an A for HRM.

I wished I was more energetic yesterday, because I will be able to persuade them not to change our BOS concept. But I was just lethargic and really in a bochup mode. I think I will regret this decision come presentation day for our BOS report.

Haiz, I am really tired. Sometimes I am so busy, work so hard but the output and the input just don't look proportional.

Take monday for example, we were doing this fyp expt from morning 9.30 to 3pm in the afternoon. In actual fact, we finished taking all the measurements required in 15 mins. But due to poor planning, no contingency plans, lack of leadership, disorganisation, blah blah blah, wasted so much time away. Busy for nothing, really. Ditto for HRM discussions. (I drafted my part of the report due to our previously-agreed idea before they decide to abort!! WTH)

Haven't met up with the njcanoeists for very long! Having a bbq dinner this friday at marina south, but I can't even confirm if I will be able to make it. Life sux.

Oh yah, add the haze problem, wah kaoz it is really miserable. I can't even go for my weight-loss-relaxing-refreshening run at night for fear of bad air quality. Screw the haze!

Marathon is in less than 2 months time, but I don't feel ready. But Derrick is in worse shape than me. We met on Sunday to run at Macritchie, actually slow jog because he and I can't move beyond 2nd gear. (Actually itz him!!)

Stop FYP, finish HRM, clear exams, complete marathon.

The Haze Solution

The haze is getting worse, with a PSI high of 150 today in Singapore.

Sitting around to complain isn't going to help things. After some thoughts, I think the best way to solve the question is through the establishment of a logging company!

Yah, we need a logging company to hack down those trees to clear the land for the Indonesian farmers. They aren't educated, and it will probably take too much efforts from the Indonesian govt to educate these bunch of farmers. C'mon, create a plan to log trees in Kalimantan, or wherever the farmers wanna clear lands. Give them no trees to burn, and plenty of land to farm! Supply them with fertilizers to replace the ashes.

And you know what, the logging company can actually sell the timber and exchange them for cold hard cash! Instead of all the smoke and haze which is deteoriating air quality all around south east asia and beyond!

I will happily lead a logging company to help these farmers and make some money. Any venture capitalist hear me?

Argh. This haze is irritating me!

FYPing

Start time: 5.30pm
End time: 11.45pm

Seriously working OT for fyp. But such long hours only to record some data from the datalogger by varying the distance between the Tx and Rx and the frequency range.

Anyway, we were forced to use quite high power, up to 10dBm, and the guys started to get worried about our offsprings. Lol, super high frequencies loh, until 2.5GHz today, and we are gg to use C-band (5 - 8GHz) for future expts. Die, sperms all die! Need protection man, I don't wanna have all daughters loh!

But Jaron is damn funny, talking cock as he always does, saying he can smell his sperms as he burped. Lol.

So tired, but at least it was funny. And a friday night I am fyping, and can't go home as planned. Sianz.

Wrote this for my CS118 Assignment... LOL

I have to think long and hard when asked to write about my prejudice. After being socially-engineered to disregard racial differences, to accept and embrace a multicultural and multi-religious society, it was difficult to pinpoint one prejudice with regards to ethnocentrism as spelt out in the course syllabus. On deeper thought, I will venture into a smaller context to discuss about my prejudice against students hailing from Anglo-Chinese School (Independent), ACS (I).

ACSians are widely perceived to be English-sprouting snobs who come from middle- to upper-class background, with a specific contempt for all things Chinese and the lesser lights. Coming from a heartland dweller family, nursing an interest in the Chinese language and culture and schooled nonetheless at The Chinese High School (now Hwa Chong Institution), the stereotypical ACSian is an exact opposite of mine.

As if the rivalry for prestige among the top boys’ schools were not intense enough, the prejudice was further accentuated with my involvement with the athletics team, which by the way are the perennial champions at the National Schools level for the past two decades.

Throughout my secondary school life, ACSians were conveniently made up as the pseudo-adversary who were not up to the mark, sporting funky hairdos, ill-disciplined brats and simply inept at their mother tongue. This stereotype was further reinforced by isolated cases of some rebellious ACSians who I got acquainted to through interschool interactions and exchanges.

I would classify this prejudice against ACSians as a result of Class and Personal identities. The perceived difference in socio-economic background between them and I led to the issue of Class identity, and with polarized degrees of appreciation for the Chinese heritage, there was a head-on clash of personal identities.

Outwardly though, this prejudice did not expose itself to any significant extent in the public domain, partly because Chinese High boys are cultivated with virtues of humility and showing respect for self and others, if not simply intelligent and very politically correct even in our early teens.

That said, I was happy to take occasional swipes at ACSians for I-cannot-remember-what reasons, and joined in hearty laughter when ACSians were made butts of jokes, which were commonplace activities when too much schoolwork bred extreme boredom. And whenever we met ACS (I) on the competitive athletics arena, there was always a quasi-tension in the air with exchanges of nonchalant and soulless stares.

On hindsight, all these manifestations of the prejudice against ACSians were not out of any ill intent. Instead, they served to create a common enemy or source of humour that would push myself to a higher level of achievement or enjoyment.

Bridging the Divide

My prejudice and inexplicable aversion of ACSians peaked during the period at my alma mater TCHS. Fortunately, I did not have to design any specific project or activity in an attempt to overcome this prejudice as I proceeded to junior college and beyond.

At National Junior College (NJC), there was a good mix of students from all kind of secondary schools from every corner of Singapore, ACS (I) included. It was not difficult getting to know more ACSians, and at a deeper level. Among them were student councilors who were vocal, and my fellow teammates in the canoeing team who were equally committed and tenacious as any other. During my national service (NS) in the army, I had three different buddies in different phases of my army life, and ubiquitously they all came from ACS (I). I am glad to say that not once did they let me down.

Truth and Myth Uncovered

But knowing more ACSians personally confirmed that there were some truths in our prejudice. Most of them did come from well-heeled families residing in districts 10 and 11, and most of them are awful with their grasp of the Chinese language. I said most, because some prominent ACSians have come good, such as JJ Lin Junjie – a household name in the Chinese pop scene.

Perhaps it is a school culture, or just simply due to their family backgrounds, ACSians are indeed, on the whole, more concerned about fashion and looking good. For me, it is pretty much vanity at work, even though this is very much tied to an individual’s personality as well. It would be treading dangerous waters to wholly refer to all ACSians as fashionable.

On a positive note, I do find most ACSians to be highly expressive, based on empirical observations. They are unafraid to speak their mind if the situation beckons, and they are fairly eloquent communicators who are able to bring across their ideas effectively. On reflection, it may be due to this outspokenness that ACSians were deemed proud and snobbish in the first place.

However, the elitist image of ACS (I) lingers. It is not unusual to find families with different generations of ACSians under one roof. The older generations of English-educated Singaporeans enjoyed a higher level of material comfort in general because they were more relevant compared to their Chinese-educated peers in the process of Singapore’s economic development. And by being physically located in a rich neighbourhood at Dover Road, it is no wonder that ACS (I) is unlikely to shed its elitist tag anytime soon.

In all fairness, the likes of Raffles Institution and Hwa Chong Institution are no less elitist than ACS (I), simply because these schools only take in the crème de la crème of every graduating primary school cohort. It is perhaps out of convenience that people continue to perpetuate ACS (I) as the flagship for English elitism.

Conclusion

From my own experience of conceiving, believing, expressing and overcoming of my prejudice against ACSians, the lessons learnt are many. It is easy to form stereotypes regarding other groups due to differences in identity – Class, Personal or otherwise. Although there may be a good degree of truth in these stereotypes, most constitute negative connotations that glorify the perpetuator of the prejudice and denigrate the target of abuse. It is only through the venture beyond the superficial aspect, to get to know and understand the prejudiced group can we affirm or reject our stereotypes. Eventually, even if we are unable to overcome the differences that give rise to the prejudice, at least we should attempt to understand their point of view.

Celebrate difference, because culture is invisible without difference!

Term break, not term brake

How easy it was to slack through the wkend, wake up to a copy of the Straits Times, followed by a late brunch at the hawker centre, then return to watch tv, take an afternoon nap, have dinner, play mahjong and watch Da Chang Jin. Hehe...

I would have no complaints passing the whole week this way, if only I can afford though.

Term break is a time when the relentless wheels of the tutorials stop rolling for a week; the time when the alarm don't have to be set at 7.45am to be ready for the 8.30 lecture; the time to, basically, reflect, consolidate and prepare for the next half of the long haul, towards the final destination of EXAMINATIONS!!

Yucks.

Term break sounds rosy, until you are reminded of the assignments due, the presentations to prepare, the unfinished business with your FYP, and the upcoming quizzes ranging from telecommunications to cross cultural communications.

Voilà I'm back in 42-4-780 again. The only place where I can work. I tried bringing some notes and questions back home and forth without even taking a peek. Haha I suppose thatz what it means by drawing a clear divide between work and home, and I dun look like I can be a workaholic.

And the tidbits at home are making me fat. I need to come back to a NO-SNACK-ZONE to prevent ballooning. =p But Goodwood Park's durian snow skin is still as good as ever, yummy (and sinful!)

Which will be my car (next year) ?

Mazda 3

Mitsubishi Lancer Sport

Toyota Yaris

I think I have shortlisted my car, restricted by the $$$ factor of course! And yah, I want it red and sporty!

I welcome BMW 3 coupe as a present as well.

Transport Fare hikes, and comments dissected

Bus and train fares to rise by 1 to 3 cents in October
By Sng Li Wei and Ahmad Osman
Sep 12, 2006

Bus and train fares will go up by 1 to 3 cents per trip from October 1, but needy families would be given transport vouchers to help them adjust to the higher fares.

The Public Transport Council (PTC) approved the 1.7 per cent fare increase today. It is lower than last year's 2.4 per cent increase, which affected all fare categories.

Note that the report starts by telling you that needy families are being taken care of so as to alleviate claims of hardships. Also, the 1.7% rise is lower than the last 2.4%. Yah yah... 1.7% is the maximum allowed lah, you think we are stupid?

Nearly a quarter of commuters are expected to pay the same fares, while slightly more than a third will have to pay one cent more.

Standard and single ticket fares, however, will remain the same, as well as monthly concession fares for students and national servicemen.

A large proportion - three quarters of commuters - are expected to pay more.

Concession fares are not raised because of the fear of further uproar.

Since the number of people using single trip tickets are almost negligible and the majority are foreign visitors who don't own ez-link card, we shall not raise it to welcome foreign talents and blunt the edges of the expected criticisms.

Mr Gerard Ee, chairman of the PTC, said that in approving the fare increase, the Council had taken care to ensure that fares remain affordable for the majority of commuters, but it also recognised that needy families would need some help to adjust to the higher fares.

"I am heartened to hear thar the public transport operators will be contributing resources in the form of transport vouchers to help needy families in coping with the fare increase by defraying some of their costs," he said.

"This is part of the Government's 'Many Helping Hands' approach where the government, community and grassroots organisations and the private sector all chip in to help."
For those facing financial hardship, help is available from the Citizens' Consultative Committees (CCCs) under their CCC ComCare Fund, which has disbursed $1.95 million to 12,500 cases since it was launched in July last year. The National Trade Unions Congress's "NTUC Care and Share Vouchers" initiative also helps union members from low-income families.

Crap. So generic, I can also say.

SMRT Corporation and SBS Transit have also contributed $1 million for public transport vouchers which will be distributed by the CCCs in October to needy families.
The 1.7% increase in fares is the maximum allowed under the new fare adjustment cap formula implemented by the PTC last year, and is expected to bring in an additional $9.9 million for SBS transit, but the bus operator said it would only provide "partial relief for the incereased costs pressures", according to a Straits Times report.

For SBS alone, they will in additional $10 million, of which they will contribute about $500k to the transport vouchers, which brings us a total rate of about 5%. Are we really that stupid?

Oh, how come the details on application of vouchers are not publicised? If I read the papers and dunno how to apply for them, you expect the poor and needy who dun read the papers to have access to such information? Wayang!

Reacting to the fare increase, Mr Cedric Foo, chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee (GPC) for transport, said that the fare increase "seems quite fair" in view of the 20 to 30 per cent rise in fuel cost, which accounts for 15 to 20 per cent of the public transport operators costs.

Interesting how operating costs increased by 15 - 20% but ComfortDelGro continues to post record profits year after year.

He also welcomed the help schemes for needy Singaporeans.

The GPC would look for a better measure than the returns on total assets of public transport operators currently used here as a yardstick for a fare hike, he told AsiaOne.

“We think there can be a better measure like total shareholder return which can be compared to that of the public transport operators in other major cities,” he said, adding that the GPC would also get feedback from transport economists, commuters and public transport operators to see how Singapore could continue to have a first rate infrastructure with fair and equitable distribution of the costs.

Oh yeah, increase the fares first then we review the total shareholder returns from other cities. I told you, buy SBS shares, and rejoice each time fare rises!

Mr Seah Seng Choon, executive director of the Consumers Association of Singapore (Case) told AsiaOne that the increase "is affordable for most commuters."

He said: "Case is glad that there are schemes in place to help those in the low-income groups. We are also glad to note that concession pass holders are not affected by the increase.”

Case? What Case? No case lah.

Commuter Ms S. P. Chan, 52, a freelance writer, describing the increase as "reasonable", added: I hope the public transport companies will continue to strive to improve the public transport system. I also hope that hawkers will not use the fare hike as an excuse to jack up prices.”

I'm pretty sure I can find plenty of commuters who will give more pointed comments than "reasonable".

ENTJ

Extroversion vs Introversion

I guess in a way, but only to certain people who I really know well. I can't seem to find the energy to be an extrovert in an unfamiliar setting. I know I can, but just don't want to. How about a introverted extrovert? Maybe I do miss having big cliques, but the problem seems that big group hinders speed and efficiency, something that I am not really prepared to give up.

Intuition vs Sensing

I think I actually borders on intuition and sensing. I do some things by intuition, basically thinking that I am right without actually knowing whatz going on exactly, and I am mostly right, I guess. Haha. But I am quite sensitive to the people around me, probably cos of my training in the CS minor and personal experiences. But, the more sensitive I become, the more difficult it seems to open up.

Thinking vs Feeling

This is quite obvious. I am more rational than feeling. Reflects in the things I use, buy and spend on. Clearly, the functional aspect far outstrips the emotional aspect. For one, I am unlikely to spend $50 on a pair of slippers any time soon. An exception is food - I believe in eating well, and it seems to reflect on me physically too. Lol.

Judging vs Perceiving

Yah, I am a facts person. I can't decide until I have the necessary information on my fingers. Hmm, that explains why I don't have many people to detest, because I don't perceive and I am too lazy to get the facts.

Untitled

I am not breathing easy - lotsa hard work this sem, FYP, HRM, even my elective modules like CS118 got 3 written papers and 1 presentation. All the work prompted me to look at the academic calendar to look for the term break - 23 September - 1 October.

But something else caught my eye - the second semester will be ending on 5 May 2007. That means I gotta go back to RSAF for work after that. Shrugz, I am not feeling especially excited, although the paycheck every month is going to come in very handy. I think life from May to August next year should be a breeze, with attachments to the ALD branches promising to be rather slack - can play soccer every day.

Over dinner with Gee Hock and Haoyang, they were talking about the networking nights and stuff, seems like I am missing out on the aspects of writing up a resume, networking with companies' senior management and the whole process of job hunting. Well, maybe the grass is always greener on the other side - I yearn for the job hunting process because I already have one.

Maybe. I'm feeling rather blue about being bonded now.

Haiz, all's not well with my schoolwork. I feel discouraged each time I think about being so far from first class. Not that the honours is especially important, but I feel I owe myself one to do well in NTU.

I need a break. Please come, my mid-term break!

I wanna learn Deutsch and 한글

I am inspired to pick up more languages.

I improve my German to conversant level, then I can start to write and talk to Christian and co in German.

Learning Korean will enable me to watch the drama in the original language to grasp the meanings better. Hmm maybe can pick up hot chicks from Korea as well, lol.

IVP Track & Field

Stepped onto SRC for the first time since last May, and to participate in a trial to select discus throwers to represent NTU at the Singapore Open in September. Because they no longer organise the NTU Inter-School Track & Field, they will be sending athletes to the upcoming Singapore Open and use the results for selection of the IVP T&F team.

Haha, this must be the year when I put in the most effort to try and qualify for the team. But the discus trial went pretty smoothly, with only 4 persons vying for 2 spots. I am pretty off form, not at the peak of my strength and last touched a discus 2 years ago, but I still mustered 25m+ for second. A freshie threw 27m to finish ahead. Damn, I have been ursurped as NTU's discus champ.

But discus is not my pet event, and I did a short throwing training for shot put. Not too bad, I am still able to throw rather consistently above 9m, hitting about 9.5m. Taking into account my current physical condition, I estimate that I can hit 10.5m if I start training regularly (1 time a wk) from now till September. Hopefully, I can round off my final year with a medal, but shrugz, haven't compete last year and am not sure of the standards now.

Cheers to a new IVP jacket!

You can't live off Singapore Pools

I got burnt this wkend - lost $200 on Liverpool.

After all the hype, transfers, beating Chelsea for the Charity Shield, they can't beat Sheffield Utd away on the opening day of the EPL season. A super shocker, and especially painful for my wallet. Ouch.

Haiz, maybe winning during the WC bred disrespect for Pools. It's time to review my betting policy, or maybe I should not get started on betting at all.

Okie, eating grass for the week. Moo.

Letting off steam...

School has been hectic, with the fatigue starting to set in even though this is only the second week. So tired now to work, I think I should blog to to let off some steam...

Workload is heavy. 8 modules for a final year seems a tad too much, with a timetable that spans from early morning to late afternoons for most of the weekdays. It is not an ideal schedule, considering that I have to fork out considerable time to do my FYP.

FYP has been relatively light, but am still required to do some self-studying on my own for my part on receiver design. Right now, I can only make out the concepts, but still do not understand much. And will have to go down to the design of the integrated circuit for various components like the amplifier, filter, oscillator and mixer. The mention of integrated circuits is sending chill down my spine, because I have replaced EE3003 in NTU with a module consisting of only op-amps, diodes and BJTs in France. Can't escape after all, think I gotta put in more time to self-study, again. Anyway, been helping out the PhD student and another yr 4 guy with some experiments that is taking up some time. Was there whole afternoon today doing mundane work of changing frequency of singal generators at the transmitter end, from 4pm to 9pm. Neva had lunch, and was freaking hungry by the time our experiment ended. Came back hall to cook instant noodles...

Besides FYP, I thought most of my modules this sem rather manageable, judging from the lectures for the first two weeks. Wireless communication is my FYP, so I gotta make it my pet subject, while Telecommunications look like a module about plugging in numbers into equations to get answers, suits me pretty fine. Software engineering is all abt memorisation. That leaves DSP, which my FYP mates advised me to drop because they found it difficult. I didn't, because I still believe in the value of equipping myself with basic DSP knowledge that would be beneficial to my Communications specialisation. Very fortunately, most of my tutorial class tutors are the lecturers of the modules, so at least I won't get goondoo Profs who dunno their work.

But then, there is Human Resource Management (HRM), a killer subject for EEE4. The reason - an egoistic lecturer who claims to make sure you fail the second semester if you don't make the grade in the first. In a way, he is encouraging student participation by encouraging people to post on the EE4041 discussion board, promising to give notice to active students. Pretty unorthodox, but I thought the avanlanche of posts in the discussion board now are pretty much nothing but people who are trying to score points. But well, I am posting as well, although I made one sarcastic post which probably caught his attention, saying I am trying to make the other students feel guilty for no rhyme or reason. *shrugz* Yah, juz gotta submit to power sometimes, I will be posting to get into a good position for a good grade. And GOSH, everyone gotta buy a brand new edition textbook (ie no 2nd hand from seniors) @ $41!! Wallet bleeding...

And I realised I still havent gotten over my phobia for cats and probably dogs. Pathetic right, such a big man afraid of a scrawny kitten which ran into my room last night, in the end gotta seek help of my neighbour to get the cat out! I guess I'm just not a pets person.

Yah, basically just an incoherent entry. Shagged.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Actually I am just becoming aloof, and independent. They go together. Can't keep trying to click in with the rest. I relish friendship, esprit de corps, but I think I need more vitesse and finesse to move ahead, to fulfill the challenge I issued to myself.

Yah, I want to be the no-nonsense guy. I know I look unapproachable when I don't smile, but that's too bad if people can't get beyond the superficials.

Happy National Day, Singapore!

We, the citizens of Singapore, pledge ourselves as one united people, regardless of race, language or religion, to build a democratic society, based on justice and equality, so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation.

I feel very proud to be a Singaporean, for our achievements starting from scratch, for this is my home, where I know I matter. Really, there isn't another place like home!

So crowded

I seriously believe NTU has one of the highest human density (ie number of humans per sq metre) in Singapore. After being away from one whole year, I can't seem to deal with the amount of people around. Haha, maybe I am suffering from some fear of crowds...

Evidence 1: Crowded libraries
School just started yesterday, and library is the number one destinations for all students. Everyone wanna grab a computer terminal, everyone wants to print and buy notes. It took me 10 mins to find a terminal at LWN, 1 minute to send my documents for printing, 15 mins to queue up to release the prints from the self-service payment stations, and 5 mins to wait for my printouts. Total time taken = 31mins.

Evidence 2: Crowded canteens
The queues are neverending, and it explains why I am here blogging at lunch time. Simply dun wanna spend my time in the line.

Evidence 3: Queue at EEE iHub
Erm, basically the iHub is a computer room, but they recently installed a system which requires you to make a booking for a computer terminal by swiping ur matric card. As a result, people are made to queue for nothing (imo) just to get a computer terminal. Seriously, where have their brains gone to? Why bother setting up such a system? First come first served... Apparently the 2hrs per pax usage time is aimed to ease people from hogging on to computers. Just plain dumb. Period.

So many faces, so crowded. Frankly I hate this kinda sardine packing mad rush. Pout.

On your mark... Get set...

Finally back in NTU, moved into my cosy little single room, back to Hall 8 to see the familiar faces, and bracing for the start of the final year.

Final year life is not going to be easy, especially after meeting my FYP prof and groupmates last week. In a week, my prof expects three of us to come up with a design of a wideband receiver. I went through some lecture notes that she sent to us, and read up a little bit more by looking for some materials in the library over the weekend. Yup, I was in Library 2 on a saturday morning before the semester begins proper.

Digressing, I met Wanquan at the library as well. He is going to year 2 at CBE and is turning out to be a bigger mugger than I thought. But hearing WQ expressing regrets about his JC performance struck a chord with me. We were all once on par with the crème de la crème, but have now all lagged behind. At least he is trying to make up for lost time, having a GPA of 4.8 in his first year. Let us all work like no tomorrow!

Hmm, but I think I will be forced to work that way in any case. I can already feel the burden of carrying 2 HSS and 1 third year technical elective module into the final year. =|

I probably should get down to doing some real work. Thanks for hearing me grumble. Cheers to start of school!

Why NTU?

In a wink of an eye, I am on the starting blocks for the fourth and final year at NTU.

But NTU was the last place that I thought I will end up in.

I always wanted to do aeronautical engineering at Imperial College, for some unknown reasons. When the A level results were out, I know that overseas dream that I harboured for a long time was not going to materialise.

I had time to think about things while in the army, or so I thought. At an air force recruitment talk, I realised the air force was the nearest place I could probably pursue my passion, and I was given the opportunity to disrupt for studies immediately.

Suddenly, I had to go back to school, and I followed my heart and my then girlfriend to NTU. Quite a mindless decision, because I could have easily qualified for NUS engineering, widely perceived to be the better of the two.

While the relationship did not work out, the journey at NTU has been very fruitful so far. I have not regretted one bit coming to NTU.

Life at NTU is enjoyable, really. I kept in touch with a few JC classmates at NJ, and they never failed to complain how tough engineering at NUS is. For one reason or another, I don't feel much pressure studying engineering at NTU. And they were always amazed how I kept up with work while putting in 4 trainings a week for canoeing and even meddled around with my Hall JCRC business.

The lack of a gauge like the GPA for my NTU cohort is probably a blessing in disguise. The NUS students I know are a fearful lot, who never fails to discuss how their GPA will be affected if they take tough general electives module, and the motivation is always to maintain their GPA. *yawnz*

I had a lot of fun taking up general electives at NTU, chalking up 15 AUs for my communication studies minor and 10 AUs of French (actually should be 13 but I crashed my level 2 French without sitting for the exams), and 2 AUs for a module called "Social Work". Thatz a whopping 30 AUs of general electives, far outstripping the 9 AUs required for engineering students. Of course, the GE results weren't always good, and I had several Cs, especially for the CS Minor. But life goes on as usual without having to worry for the GPA, and it is rumoured that GEs don't play a part in the final computation for honours. But nobody really knows how NTU calculates. *shrugz*

I benefited from NTU's push to go global as well, going on an exchange to France last year that really allowed me to widen my horizons, travelling to many places I could only imagined, working and speaking a foreign language, experiencing a bag of different cultures with many different nationalities. Studying was secondary for a semester. Haha.

After a year out of NTU with INSTEP and IA, my brain is recharged, and probably reformatted as well. It sounds bizarre. but I am raring to go back to NTU for my final year. After playing for three years, I feel like challenging myself to perform academically, something that I have not shown yet.

With canoeing out of the way, I suddenly have plenty of free time to push myself on the academic front. I haven't gotten on the dean's list before, and this is the last chance that I have. A final push to squeeze into the league of first-class honours.

An exciting final year to prove how intelligent I really am. I can't wait for it to start.

I suddenly don't feel like owning a house

I have been think about it recently - Is the government's public housing programme a boon or a bane for the average Singaporean.

Singapore prides itself as providing affordable housing for everyone through the developments of HDB flats. But the way I look it, home ownership is as much as becoming slaves of property loans.

The average rates for property loans is about 3.5% per annum, and if you take up a loan from the HDB at a concessionary rate of 2.6% per annum, you are at least paying interests upwards of a few thousands dollars.

Imagine buying a flat for $250,000 making a downpayment of 20% with your CPF.

Remaining sum to be paid = $250, 000 x 0.8 = $200, 000
Interest = $200, 000 x 2.6% = $5,200 per annum!!

This is by no means a small sum, especially for the lower-income middle class. If I were to earn $30, 000 a year, it means that 17.3% of my income per annum goes towards servicing my home loan. I shudder at the thought.

Using the financial calculator at the HDB website, the monthly installment comes up to $801 for a repayment period of 30 years at 2.6% per annum. Or it translate to paying $801 x 30 x 12 - $200,000 = $88,360 worth of interests!

Alternatively, I do know that one can probably rent a 3-room flat in a HDB estate further away from the CBD for $600 - $800 a month. In a year, the rental is between $7,200 to $9,600.

Certainly, renting a HDB flat makes more sense than owning one. Remember, thus far, I have only illustrated with HDB concessionary rates, and the interests that you are paying will be more if you are thinking of buying a bigger property and taking up bank loans.

People are oblivious to the amount of interests they are paying because most people service their HDB mortgage payments using their CPF monies, and this is one very big reason why Singaporeans are left wanting in terms of their financial nesteggs even though the government puts in place a system of compulsory savings throughout their working adulthood. Just a gentle reminder, CPF Ordinary Account pays 2.5% interest per annum, while the HDB charges 2.6%. See the picture?

Of course, the arguement that property is an asset is true to a certain extent. But it is not an easily liquidable asset. And considering that HDB market is pretty saturated, I can't foresee a capital gain by investing in a HDB flat. Pout.

If we use Robert Kiyosaki's definition, then that flat you are sitting on is a liability because it takes money out of your pocket every month.

This idea is crazy, but I am really tempted not to be drawn into the trappings in the name of home ownership. The extra $88k can be better invested and if you are shrewd enough, you can make returns more than the value of your HDB flat. How, though?

That's a question that I am very interested in as well, but am not yet in a position to advise. For now, just, erm, invest!

Bus fares set to rise!

The word is officially out: Bus fares hikes will be approved by the Public Transport Council in October, likely to increase 1.7%, or loosely translated to 1 or 2 cents more per ride.

Ok, actually it is not officially out, but it all came from the mouth of an official from the most respected and official The Straits Times, all on the front page! The article tried to focused on new bus service standards set by the PTC, but what really caught the eye was right at the end.

Mr Ong Kian Min, deputy chairman of the Government Parliamentary Committee (GPC) for Transport said, "The concern is whether compliance with these requirements may in turn lead to higher operating costs and higher fares in the future."

He actually meant: The concern is the compliance with these requirements will in turn lead to higher operating costs and higher fares in the future.

Argh, it irks me to see the left and right hands collaborating to build a platform for the justification of fare hikes come October. Public-listed companies, accountable to shareholders, profit-driven, reason number 101...

Before I get carried away and lambast the obvious link between SBST, SMRT and Temasek Holdings, let's get down to dissect the improvement of bus service standards.

1. 15 minute peak-period waiting time

I think this should be a given. Does anyone expect to wait more than 15 mins for a bus during peak hours? It is downright labelling of the obvious and non-compliance to such a simple service standards can't be accepted anyway. I will gladly testify that SBST and SMRT flouts this rule on a regular basis. Surprisingly, instead of penalising the transport companies, this is gonna be one compliance that will cost commuters more.

2. On average, buses should not be more than 95% full during peak hours.

What constitutes 95% of capacity? As long as people are packed like sardines but (Bus volume - Headspace) is less than 95%?

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY can stop kiasu Singaporeans from squeezing into the last available space on the bus steps. Why set a new rule that is sure to be flouted? I will blow the whistle on SBST and SMRT everytime people stand on the steps and make sure they are fined $100 000 every time. Happy?

3. Hotlines, website to provide schedule and information + route info at bus stops.

Basic requirement again, especially providing bus routes info at ALL bus stops to help people to plan their routes. I think these ought to have been done donkey years ago, but I assume SBST and SMRT will cite posting of informational materials as increased operating costs. Rubbish. Just making up for the past disservice!

Numerous times I have been refuted, but I must still say these. Public transport like buses and trains are inelastic and it is the lower income group that depends more on them for getting around. Increasing cost of public transport increases the burden for the less well-off. While costs of private transport have dipped considerably for the past years, we see a corresponding increase in cost of public transport.

Where is the logic, for improving usage rate for public transport, for improving road conditions with lesser private vehicles, for protecting the environment by reducing number of cars and hence amount of greenhouse gases?

It seems to me like the simultaneous hikes in public transport costs and increases in private vehicle expenses such as ERP and petrol prices are a ploy of the higher-ups to win-all. !@#$%^

Lastly, if we can't beat them, join them! SBST are posting record profits year after year, buy their shares and rejoice each time public fare hikes are due!

My part-time religion

The 7th month of the lunar calendar marks the start of the Hungry Ghost Festival, when the gates of Hell open for the spirits to roam the human realm freely. That is if you believe in Taoism.

I am officially registered as a Taoist, simply because my family is Taoist. But since a young age, I subconsciously rejected Taoism as my faith because I could not see the logic behind.

The variety of deities worshipped by Taoists is unbelievable. Ranging from Guan Yin, Da Bo Gong, Tian Gong, to Chinese greats like Confucius, to even fictional characters like Monkey King. The multitude of gods and the non-standardisation of practising Taoism makes me highly sceptical. Whereas Christianity, Buddhism and Islam have publications like the bibles, scrolls and qurans which propagate the faith, Taoism has none. It is hard to even become pious.

Yet, my mother and one maternal uncle possess spiritual connections with deities, ie they are mediums whereby the deity will possess and give advices and help believers. I have witnessed streams of believers appearing at my doorsteps and seeking the advice of Guan Yin. For one, I can testify to the innocence of my mother and it is definitely not the usual scams that people see on news. Any fees that the believers pay are strictly voluntary.

And I have sensitive and highly-irritable eyes and nose. Burning of joss paper and joss sticks makes my eyes teary, nose runny and sneezes involuntarily. I recall this as the first reason I would shirk from burning joss papers for as long as I can remember. Even as I am writing this entry, the burnt smell from the joss paper burning revolves in the air.

Religion - do supreme beings exist or are they fabrications to account for man's ignorance?

The latter, probably. I admit that I will resort to mumbling some prayers when passing by the passage parlour at my void deck, where the murder of a Chinese masseur took place. And I try not to be tee kee, meaning iron teeth literally translated from Hokkien, during the 7th month. It is for fear, ignorance and respect. Afterall, why take the risk?

Once in a blue moon, I do set foot on a temple, the Guan Yin Temple at Bugis - the last time about 2 years ago. But it is only at times of extreme vulnerability that I resort to faith, to gain some tranquility. Otherwise, I continue to chomp away the sacred cow with steaks and burgers.

Division of Johns Hopkins Singapore vs A*Star - Who loses?

The rebuttal of Johns Hopkins University by A*Star was forceful and reinforced by facts and figures. Although signs point to a failure of JHU to fulfill their side of the agreement, I was still somewhat dismayed by the way A*Star washed the dirty linen in public against one of the world's most renowned institutions.

For the uninitiated, the spate is basically the closure of the Division of Johns Hopkins Singapore and the now-erupted mutual allegations about the failed delivery of promises.

As a Singaporean and taking a neutral view, I feel that the key performance indicators (KPIs) set by A*Star for DJHS was not entirely reasonable. A good example is the number of patents filed per year by DJHS. Targets of 3 and 5 were set respectively for the years 2005 and 2006, and till present, the institute has patented nothing.

At first glance, pretty alarming. Millions of public dollars go into funding DJHS's cutting edge researches and no tangible results are yielded. Shame on DJHS? In retrospect, the results are indeed disappointing, but sad to say, not all things (especially when it comes to researches) can be quantified. Inputs and and results on researches can be greatly disproportionate, especially in our day and time. The times when you sit under an apple tree (Issac Newton) and fly kite (Benjamin Franklin) to yield world changing results are over, because much of the fundamentals are already in place. May I liken pumping money into research to the investment of stocks - you can't expect to win all. But as long as some good counters keep your overall balance in the black, and you have a time horizon long enough to ride the volatility, you should prevail in the end. In this light, I really question of the setting up of this performance indicator in the first place. Why didn't JHU oppose to such a criterion?

Another dispute point was the appointment of senior investigators armed with international reputations to steer the DJHS boats. By A*Star's standards, Singapore expect top brains to reside here on a permanent basis to provide leadership for DJHS. I have no qualms about this, and I believe JHU should prove its commitment to DJHS by posting senior faculty here to match A*Star's research dollars. On the other hand, I can see why Singapore has problems attracting the top brains away from the US, and am partly agreeable to JHU's arguement for their employment of junior and promising researchers.

Fundamentally, the objective of research works done at DJHS is more profit-driven and results-oriented than anything else. Trying to map a top scientist's brain, I would say this is not the most conducive environment to conduct researches. Moreover, I reckon the US is nearer to the top resources and personnel in terms of life science researches than our tiny red dot. And not to mention the uprooting of families to enter a foreign land with potential adaptation issues.

A resolution would have been the appointment of a group of probably 4-6 top senior investigators to chart directions, and a supporting group of investigators with intermediate to high international repute and experiences and then that is where the bright and young scientists come in. A compromise is needed but obviously both JHU and A*Star were not flexible enough.

Seriously, no matter how forceful A*Star's statement regarding the closure of DJHS is, the final loser is still Singapore and our reputation as a growing bio-medical research hub. Perhaps the superior indicators such as papers submitted, number of projects initiated, conferences and seminars held are neglected by A*Star. While not as economic-fulfilling, these are signs that Singapore's progress is thriving and international meetings here provide the local scientific community invaluable opportunities to interact with the gurus and network. Sadly, they escaped the eyes of A*Star when the decision to drop DJHS was made.

This whole issue only serves to highlight the inherent flaw in our approach to scientific research - giving a dollar value to every project undertaken and those that fall behind in producing economic returns will be cruelly chopped. Sounds pretty much like the Dummies Guide to Singapore's success. It is ironic how these measures of efficiency and cost-effectiveness can come back and haunt Singapore as we make a quest to join the scientific elites of the world.

Idol here, Superstar there

There are time when you feel like growing up faster, and there are time when you wish you were born later. Sometimes, I wish I was born a few years later, into the years when idols competitions like Singapore Idol and Project Superstar are in!

Haha, there is a certain part in me that wants to be famous. And if I were 5 to 6 years younger, I can take a shot at fame at the Campus Superstar! Afterall, the winner Zhiyang comes from my alma mater - Chinese High. Pout.

I enjoy singing and performing actually. Oh yah, it goes back to primary school as well, when I partners Shijia and Jiaqi and a guy classmate (oops sorry I can't remember who's that) for our school talentime. Then was pulled into the choir by my music teacher and I remember having to wear very ugly make-ups and checkered shorts to perform. Yucks.

It was fun at Chinese High. My throwers senior were all very enthusiastic singers. And we garnered all the talentime solo singing competitions for all the 4 years I was there. There was Yinghao, who was apparently the son of Bao Nana, a female singer. Then there was Junyang, also the Student Council president and could sing like Jacky Cheung. We were always amazed at how his adam apple vibrated as he sang. He won it for 2 years consecutive when I was sec 2 and 3.

I attempted to ursurp him in sec 3, but I screwed up my prelims so badly that I didn't qualify for the finals. Anyway, the talentime in Chinese High back then was very concert like, held at night in our Kah Kee Hall in conjunction with Chinese New Year Celebrations, if I remember correctly.

When all these ex-champions graduated, it was up to me to upkeep the winning tradition of the talentime for the Track & Field throwers!

I had a very keen competitor that year, Keith Lee. He was able to hit the high notes effortlessly, much like Zhiyang if you ask me. But he screwed up his prelims and didn't qualify for the finals, which is really a pity. Lost touch with him already, like many of my secondary schoolmates as he went to RJC. Last heard he was second for the RJ talentime, losing to some opera-trained girl. Hard luck.

Anyway, his failure to qualify left me with an easy task and I won duly, singing William So's "Jiu Ai Hai Shi Zui Mei" But for some reasons, the school decided to shift the talentime to morning during my year, and because it was CNY celebrations, the colour of costume was very limited. Alot of us wore white and khaki, which is so duh because it is exactly the school uniform colours of the school.

First year at NJ and I screwed up the talentime, qualified for the finals but didn't get a placing. Kinda sore over it, because I thought I deserved better. But I didn't bother to take part in J2, because I was an obsessed rower who can't see beyond rowing and gyming. =P Anyway, talentime at NJ was a small deal because you gotta pay to watch, so even winning it and you still won't be very well-known. *bleahz*

But I can feel that my voice is slowly but surely deterioriating. Lack of practices, lack of nutrition, and lack of stage appearances, I reckon I will tremble like hell to perform publicly now. Had chance recently, thanks to an intro by Shihui for some Red Cross Vibrant Blood, but I didn't turn up for the finals because I couldn't be bothered to look for the minus one accompaniment. Got a Hall 8 talentime champion to show though, if it counts, but the level of competition was... =D

Sometimes I do daydream on how my life would have been if I give a shot at such shows, at the peak of my prowress. But then again, I have signed that freedom away, and I won't be able to sign up with any companies IF, A BIG IF, I can emerge triumphant. Back to being a couch potato and admire the talents of others. But there was once a superstar-wannabe here.

the buzzing word - entrepreneurship

As I was flipping thru today's ST, I realised there is a very small column that featured a familiar face - Peiweng. Although the article will not be out until Sunday morning, the brief introduction of a young man with a company with a monthly turnover of $40k seeks to introduce a budding and promising young entrepreneur amongst us.

Before I proceed further, let me first congratulate Peiweng for his hardwork which seems to be gathering momentum and attention. I feel proud to know you!

In the eyes of the government that trumpets the development of the entrepreneurial spirit, they must be looking no further than the dollars and cents that individuals with the abilities to create and accumulate wealth generate.

And probably in this capitalistic light, I have to say that entrepreneurship is not for me. Make no mistakes, I love to be rich. Who doesn't, anyway?

I have signed that freedom for entrepreneurship away at the age of 19. Any attempts of entrepreneurship would be certainly most unwelcomed by the same government that is sponsoring me for studies and paying me living allowance now. Probably unwelcomed is an understatement, I will probably be investigated by the MSD, discharged from the SAF and pay liquidation damages.

I am probably not one to take too high risk as well, one quality that is needed in entrepreneurs. I belong to the type who likes to plan for the future on basis of solid grounds, to be always in control of what I am doing, to be able to foresee my short-term future and make adjustments for circumstances. Is this a shortfall? Personally, I don't think being meticulous in planning can be considered one by most standards, and I take pride to be always in control of my life and being clear of my goals.

Anyway, the element of time-space is already lost. By the time I finish my bond at 27, I would assume I have found a wonderful significant other and will be planning to settle down. It is probably not as good a time as when you are 20 and having more time and less commitment to bear to strike out on your own. I don't envisage living in a pressure cooker and having to worry about making ends meet in the preliminary stages of any possible eventual phenomenal success. Yup, I just lack the temperament and lost the time.

Instead, what I value is the decent financial gratification of my efforts. And did I mention that I regard myself highly. That's why I don't intend to stay in the civil service for too long, because the higher you rise, the less well-paid you are. At least that is my opinion, because their pay package is hardly proportional to their responsibility, especially in the line of the military.

Of course, pay is but one aspect of work. And I will probably only go into a line where I have a good amount of passion for as well. Seriously, I would love to learn to become an investment banker, managing wealth and growing money.

I have a certain affinity to numbers, and coupled with the fact that I enjoy taking calculated risks makes investing a good game, and a good profession to venture into. And I think the pay package of a banker would be performance-based and I can see a bright future taking a bite into the big pies of tycoons who are increasingly making Singapore their choice wealth management centre due to our stability and secrecy. Haha, I am getting pretty excited talking about my choice profession after my bond.

Even without becoming an investment banker, I still believe that the proper investment of one's income will be able to help one achieve a good sum of financial nestegg that can eventually allow them a golden retirement. That's why without venturing into entrepreneurship, I still wanna make my money grow my way and ensure a comfortable degree of material comfort for the people around me.

Seems to be veering off topic about entrepreneurship. But I think in the end it is more of financial intelligence than pure guts entreprise development. Because intelligence is something that is yours to keep, no matter what happen, you can always perform. However, entrepreneurship involves more than just factors that one can control. The macro-economic environment, your luck and availability of opportunities, unexpected turns of world events, all these can work against you, because there is no way to factor and calculate them, and going from hero to zero is pretty easy.

The yo-yo see-saw life of an rich entrepreneur, faced with constant pressures but promising crazy yields. Or the life of a high-flying investment banker who can control the combined wealth of numerous tycoons at a go. An individual's fortunes change. But by principle of conservation of wealth, the total wealth in our system will always remain more or less consistent. And I wanna work for the richest, and at all times.

is topodium happy?

a survey that places singaporeans as the most unhappy lot in asia. as I tuned in to radio discussions and television debates on how happy singaporeans are, I pose the same question to myself.

I am not unhappy, thatz for sure.

I am happy for being competent at studies, at least that is almost all a singaporean youth with any meaningful purpose in life ever does until he steps into society with a piece of paper called degree. I thank the supreme being for granting me an above-average cognitive ability, riding out the waves of the treacherous academic pursuit that claims as many casualties - sending them to a condemned world starting from 10 - as elites, who are groomed for national leadership with sponsored studies at the world's best universities, even before they step out of their teenage. Me, I belong to the group deemed good, but still not good enough. Aha, this is where the reserved happiness stems from.

I am happy to have many good friends around me. People who ride the merry-go-round together during playtimes at 6; people who hang out at game shops playing guardian angels and bomberman on sega saturn, who enjoy playing basketball as much as relishing in the freedom post-PSLE at Yishun 10 LJS at 12; people who go thru the rebellious adolescence together, experimenting at the border of legality at 14; people who mug together tirelessly at 16; people who canoes as if there were no tomorrow at 18; people who are on the penultimate lap to graduation at 22. Every period of my life, I had good friends around me. But friends are probably as much cyclical and seasonal to me as anything else. I hold a tinge of regret for not holding on to the best friends from each part of my life, and sometimes I wonder how I managed not to.

I am happy to have a career mapped out for the next 5 years, but the bureaucratic environment where scholars reign supreme and the others slog to gain recognition irks me. You know, I don't believe they are as superior as they are made out to be.

Oh, I am certainly unhappy drawing blanks on the love front. And considering I am going back to a workplace almost barren of the fairer sex, this must be the most worrying aspect at this point in time. And I even went to France and back to no avail, haha. BUT, but I must qualify - I didn't try especially hard since the last breakup which was... hard to swallow and heart wrenching.

Sounds quite unhappy right? But nope, I am very at ease with things around me. That said, I would constantly set new targets for myself, and make their realisations the source of my new happiness. It's an unending cycle of expectations, but thatz because I foresee an extraordinary in the making. *winkz* Until then, I am a singaporean - not unhappy.

what's a topodium?

I think I owe it to people who know me to explain what exactly is a topodium.

topodium = topodium = topodium

Well, topodium is nothing but a word I coined which fuses top and podium, signifying a desire to attain the highest position on the podium, on the winners' stage. Pretty ambitious, but the biggest prize has always proven to be elusive.

I think I have a tendency to crack under pressure. My losing streak in sports started way back in primary school, when I just embarked on a career in track & field. From primary 4 up till primary 6, I was the perennial runner-up for boys shot put. Seriously, I no longer have any impression who beat me to the title, but it was this annual failure to win the school title that I was unable to represent my primary school during the Nationals.

Another memory that still rings clearly was how I helped my House to a silver in the 4 x 400m relay in primary 6. I was fast at primary 6, almost making it to the finals of the 100m. But 400m was a tad too much, but I was in the 400m relay team anyhow. It was nightmarish as I squandered a substantial lead during my leg and my House eventually settled for second. Oh, and did I mention that it happened before the eyes of my primary school crush as I huffed and puffed.

The silver streak continued into my secondary school life. I was with the school's basketball team for the C Division. I was hardly the star player, but our team breezed thru the zone preliminaries all the way to the West Zone final to face Jurong Sec, which was at that time the basketball kingpins. Quietly confident, we tried our best but still lost out narrowly to Jurong, finishing runners-up. The team went on to finish in the top-eight for the Nationals.

My flirt with track & field was not over yet though. Secondary 2 must be my most glorious year, I reckon. I was winning track & field meets like Swift and Flash leading up to the Nationals, but I underperformed during the final itself, hurling only far enough for a silver. At Sec 4, things got worse as I finished 6th at the B Div shot put.

When I went to JC, I realised my lack of height and size will be detrimental in my pursuit of a gold medal, and I decided to switch to canoeing. But little do I know that my power and explosiveness was never enough to compensate for my lack of endurance. If only there was a T1 250m race at my time. But my JC career finished in tears and heartbreak abundant.

Entering university, I continued to row my hearts out. But I was obviously distracted and the envisioned glorious finish to my canoeing career did not materialise. But at least I ended my career competing on a K1, something which meant more emotionally than anything else. Hmm, but I did get a silver at IVP level - a T2 500m mixed with Priscilla. It was an immaterial race anyway, because that result was not computed for the overall tallying of points for the IVP championships.

A sporting career littered with runners-up, silvers, and the golds did not come at the biggest occasions. Thatz why topodium is always a target that I'm aiming. Sure I have a few golds along the way - a talentime champion plaque, various shot put golds from club meets, jc and ntu, dragonboat champions medals abundant from my time at NJ and later with the alumni, but they will never make up for the disappointments I suffered at moments of truths.

Even now, I face the prospect of graduating with a second-upper class honours in 12 months time, getting a B+ for my recently concluded industrial attachment, and the many IPPT silvers.

Frankly, I hate to be second class, I hate to play second fiddle, I hate to be the next-best. Going topodium is the only way to go. Now, you know what's a TOPODIUM.